It’s gotten to that point in the year where, to be honest, is the nightmare of all university students and anyone who knows that there are two months in the academic year that suck; December and May.
Because its deadline time. It’s the time in which all our work has to be ready to either be handed in for our first semester moderation, the first round of exams or, in my case, my dissertation presentation. Yep, the big presentation in which I stand up in front of a bunch of people including my lecturers and talk for 15 minutes straight while my knees shake and my mind goes blank (by blank I mean trying to go to my happy place which is normally waaaaaay too inappropriate to be dreaming about in a classroom and to be getting hot and heavy over.)
But with this time of month in which we should all be getting excited about the Christmas holidays coming up and getting to see our family and friends again, I’m too busy worrying about how I’m going to spend my days over Christmas getting all my work preparation done and whether I can actually pull off this presentation by simply opening my mouth and making words come out.
I know I can get it done, hell I know I can speak to my hearts content, but it doesn’t mean I don’t doubt myself and lose faith in my work and my abilities. The problem is, I’m not the only person in the world who does this.
Yesterday, while me and Peter were putting away Rabbit Downey Jr, he walked out my room nearly in tears as Junior escaped and I was left chasing after him trying not to stand in the flying poo that was being trailed all over the floor. With Junior back in his hutch, I opened the door to see Peter sat on my stairs with his head in his hands, sucking up his breath as I walked over and put my arms around his shoulders.
Turned out, I wasn’t the only person having doubts about my work. Peter had been worrying about getting his work done and whether it would be to a standard that he would be proud of, so much so that he was losing sleep over it and was too scared to wake me up to talk to me about it.
There is nothing worse than having to tell someone they have nothing to worry about in the world without them believing you, but it’s worse when it’s someone you love and they are too scared to want to tell you they are struggling.
If I’ve learnt anything this year, it’s that while yes, I have struggled and yes I’ve doubted the decisions I’ve made, I’ve learnt from them and there is honestly nothing in the world to worry about. If you need help, why should you feel like nothing is there to help you when there are so many options out there and people who will help you every step of the way; if you ask them too.
Your never alone in anything you do, as long as you stand up to your problems and ask for the help you need to succeed in what you do. While this point last year I was crying and struggling to even meet my deadlines, now that I know I can do it and I know I have the greatest support in the world in which I can call upon at any time of need, I have nothing to no longer worry about. I know that if I stand tall and pace myself with my work, I will never doubt myself again and nor should anyone else who is going through the same thing as me and Peter right now.
He knows full well he is great at what he does, but it’s believing it that is something we find hard to accept. Maybe this blog post will finally make him realising that doubting yourself isn’t the answer, but asking for help and believing in yourself and your capabilities is.